Turn on the television, head out to the movies or browse social media and one of the major themes is that men are witless, pointless or mere playthings to be stepped on by the entire family. Like infomercials, men are endlessly lampooned and are shown as absent or feckless fathers.

Is all fair with dads on the family front? Does culture have a blind spot when it comes to the role of men in families? Would much of the jokes aimed at fathers be banned if they were aimed at women, ethnic minorities or religious groups? Most of the men I know are devoted, hardworking and would do anything for their families. Even give up their lives to save them.

There was a time in culture when men were always the authority figure and the head of the tribe. In comparison, today’s culture is polar opposite where men are demonized and sidelined way too much. We all heard the “who wears the pants in the family” jokes but leadership in the home is no laughing matter. During the last few decades our culture has redefined the meaning and responsibilities of men and women in society and in the home. Many men have become emasculated, confused and insecure. With this new narrative taking a firm grip on society, men don’t know how to step up and lead the home anymore. Growing up, most men lacked a good role model for leadership at home and don’t have a clue of what it means to lead a family. The result, they do not lead effectively or they do not even try.

Sadly many men have become passive or lunk heads in the home. They’ve decided that the easiest thing to do is nothing and that’s exactly what they do! The simplest thing with the smallest risk is to straddle the fence and let the wife do all the heavy lifting. When a man is married to a strong wife who takes over, he often lets her do just that…take over. Come on guys!

What are we telling young boys if the examples of fatherhood they see everyday are parodies of incompetence?

Fortunately, there is an answer. God’s Word clearly provides us with the model for being an authentic man, a husband and father — that model is called the servant leader. I know that many of the Bible verses shared below have been taken out of context but when correctly interpreted and applied, these concepts not only result in freedom for the husband and wife, but also help you to work better as a team to in your marriage. Here are two foundation passages in scripture that I would like to camp out around.

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. -1 Corinthians 11:3

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. -Ephesians 5:22-30.

A feminist’s head just exploded!

1) Lead Them!

Whether you like it or not, God placed the ultimate responsibility with respect to leadership in the household on the shoulders of the man. Also, God assigned the wife the duty of obeying her husband. Wait, before your head explodes…this obedience MUST BE A VOLUNTARY submission on her part, and only to her own husband. Oh and men…”head of the household” doesn’t mean male dominance, where you rule over a woman and demand her total obedience to your every wish and command. God never viewed women as second-class citizens and neither should you. Got it?

God’s Word does more than assign leadership in the household to the man, the comparison of the husband with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his wife’s “head.” The man is “head” by being intentional in her very welfare — he is her protector. The pattern we see here for men is Christ, who as head of the Church, is its Savior!

Remember guys, you will not lead her perfectly, but you must care for you wife and family by serving them with everything you’ve got. Let’s take a deeper dive into a couple of responsibilities that flow out of authentic Godly leadership.

2) Love Them!

In the passage from Ephesians above, reads “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” So what does this mean? It means that your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God’s gift to you.

A major thing missing with men leading in their homes is sacrificial action. Guys, gut check time. When was the last time you gave up something for your wife that you genuinely valued? Sporting event? Game of golf with the guys? Fishing/hunting trip? fill in the blank ________! Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy, so your wife can have a break and see your love for her. So man up!

3) Serve them!

Being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Jesus is our role model model for this type of leadership. Jesus didn’t just talk about serving, He action-ed it out when he washed the feet of His disciples. Seriously….just check out John 13:1-17.

Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness. -Philippians 2:7

One way to serve your wife is to take the time to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you even know what your wife’s top needs are right now? Do you know what she worries about? What’s dogging her right now? Do you know what her future hopes and dreams are? Become a student of your wife and learn the answers to questions like these. Be intentional!

Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her. 1 Timothy 5:8 makes it very clear men, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” Providing also means taking the initiative in helping to meet her spiritual needs. By modeling Godly character, by praying with her, by spending time together with her in God’s Word, and by looking for ways to encourage her spiritually. So get your head out of your @$$ and provide!

Men, REALLY LISTEN to this song from Sanctus Real and make it your mission. Its what our wives, our kids and our culture are begging us to do — lead them with true leadership.

To be a leader, a lover, and a servant is to accommodate your life to the life of the gift God has given you — your wife. Give up your life for hers and when you stand before God, He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

Step up, man up, become the authentic man you are in Christ Jesus and lead them!