Out of my brokenness, I realized that it was time to let God step into the ruins of my life. Personally, I thought it would be awesome to have some of that supernatural strength, so I said to the Lord, “Go for it!” So I slowly started to let God have His way, but it didn’t take long before I became impatient with the process and tried to wrestle some control back. Taking inventory of my current state of affairs, I hit the pause button and thought to myself, “Wait a second!” I had lost my hope, my family, my house, many friends, my financial resources, and almost my job, and I kept crucifying myself with the regrets of my past and the fear of my future. Furthermore, I had lived in a basement, in a dreadfully hot and small apartment, and now found my existence within a single room in a friend’s home with the remainder of my stuff. I just wasn’t feeling the supernatural strength, so I got on my knees and began to have a chat with the Lord, during which I basically asked Him why this was all happening, and He simply replied, “Because I love you!” I have to be completely honest and transparent with you: I was wondering if He could love me a little less, because this was not fun!
I could not see the picture that God was painting.
Here is where the lesson in fuzzy math began for me.
