We all face and struggle with brokenness on our journey — because we are all broken and much of what troubles us comes out of the broken places in our hearts crying out for some sort of relief. When I was writing Heartstone, one of the most difficult chapters to write was telling the story of when I was born with a broken leg. Of course I only remember the event by the stories told by my parents and family members that were there when it happened, but it really sets up a life metaphor that I carried with me for far too long.

As Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt shares, “We are all broken and wounded in this world. Some choose to grow strong at the broken places.” I discovered that more often than not, one’s suffering and brokenness amplifies our helplessness and truly exposes our need for a Savior. In my brokenness I found Jesus and here is that story…

A mysterious silence gripped the air that cold January morning in 1969, as the day of anticipation had finally arrived. This destiny moment begins in the sterile sanctuary of a hospital room with medical equipment filling the white space while soothing lullaby sounds captivated those waiting as if in a daydream. The sounds were mixed with a permeating hospital antiseptic smell that causes most to enter a state of numbness.

Something begins to happen, mysteriously breaking the lucidity of the room as everyone wakens from his or her slumber, revealing facial expressions of apprehension and anticipation. The innocence of creation is about to invade this hospital room as I begin to open my eyes within the darkness. My little heart begins to beat with an anxious rhythm as I hear the chaotic voices calling my name from a distant place, far beyond the peace and comfort of this womb, the only place that I have ever known before Heaven’s embrace.

The mystery of birth begins to move me from my place of peace, from my place of comfort. The voices become louder and clearer as a bright white light explodes into view, invading my hiding place. Not understanding what was happening to me, I panic, which causes me to turn my little body, creating a breach delivery.

Events begin to assault the stillness of my hiding place.

Confusion and fear surround me.

My hiding place of peace and comfort fades to black as chaos rushes in like a flood forever changing my existence. The doctors, fighting against time, attempt to change the position of my little body for delivery, but my mother is jolted and jumps, which sends me tumbling in the womb, and my leg goes numb. Losing the inner battle to hold back my tears, I cry out into the silence of the womb because this paralyzing pain pierces me deeply. Fighting for my life now, I hold on, trying to stay away from the light as it has already caused me so much pain. I cry out with a silent anguish, “Leave me alone!” as something deep within my soul presses hard against my will as I fight to simply exist.

My falling…

My screaming…

My crying…

The doctors wrestle with this mysterious struggle as I continue to fight to be born. Tired, scared, and wishing this nightmare to end, I give up and let go with a silent emptiness to live as I am delivered into the cold winter of this new world on the other side of comfort. With an unwelcoming velocity, I am born into a frightening world of tears; my peace is shattered by the confusion of the unknown.

Broken like a mirror smashed to pieces!

Hearing the deafening whispers mixed with expressions of joy and concern, the doctors and my family look upon me. I struggle with the reality of this birth as my mother holds me to comfort my pain. The light of this new world reveals the painful gift of imperfection; my little leg is fractured!

The doctors worked attentively to repair my fractured leg without understanding that this gift was not to be embraced in the physical, but a foreshadowing, a symbol of the curse of anguished brokenness I would endure within this life. My birthmark became a self-fulfilling prophecy as life continued the process of wounding me and breaking me.

As we journey through the mystery of life our circumstances confront us with the reality that brokenness is difficult to avoid in the world we live in. This symbol of my birth will forever remind me of the fight to simply exist—a symbol that was never intended for this precious little spirit.

Eden fades into the night as a distant memory.

There is only pain!

There is only fear!

There are only tears!

Paradise has become my place to cry.

This world is not my home.

Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you. —Jeremiah 1:5a (MSG)

This symbol of my birth would not be healed when the cast was removed; the scars of these wounds to come would define the person that I would become. The pain of birth, the turbulence of life, and the noise of desperate circumstances continued to drown out the soft, still, gentle voice of the Lord. Heaven’s embrace calls out to me…

“My precious child, I know everything about you! Out of My deep love, I sculpted you from nothing into something beautiful as I formed you in your mother’s womb. All the days of your life have I prepared for you—before you took your first breath. I promised you that I will always be with you and I will never abandon you. You will continue to face difficulties in this world, but take heart for I have conquered the world! If you let Me, I will show up and take care of you and bring you back home to Me. I am God and I know what I’m doing! I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Lift all the broken pieces of your life to Me! If you only knew, how much you mean to Me, if you only knew how much I love you…if you only knew!”

Pick up a copy of my book, Heartstone: A Journey out of the midnight of my soul.

Heartstone is a journey of destiny, a story of a life turned upside-down for the best possible reason. Step into the story and discover what happens when a broken life has a head on collision with a broken world! [WARNING] This book isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s for those who have the courage to face life head on and walk it out with God!