Unfortunately we live in a time where the “accepted normal” is kids having to grow up in a fractured family due to divorce or without fathers who are active in their lives and often the heavy lifting is unfairly burdened on the mothers. The other unintended consequence of this trend is the dilemma of weak or emasculated men reaching epidemic proportions in society…where many are asking, “where have all the men gone?”

Because of this, I’ve noticed that mothers are becoming more over protective and controlling of their sons, which is causing significant tension when it comes time for them to stretch their wings and leave the nest. The other dynamic that’s rearing its ugly head is these sons are finding it harder to cleave to their wives and step up to lead in their homes. Too often I talk to men who cannot make decisions for themselves or their families, have no real direction or plan for their life, choose a path of passivity and are paralyzed of their future. They are carrying a broken compass and have absolutely no mission in life!

When you dig deeper into these issues, you can often connect the dots to not having a fully present father figure in their lives and/or a mother who never allowed her son the opportunity to stop being her “little boy”. Of course a mother’s efforts are well intended, but they unknowingly stand in the way of their son’s father (or father figure) ability to provide a path for them to become men by keeping their “little boys” under their constant protection and control.

To all the mothers out there who doing much of the heavy lifting these days…

It’s time to start letting go of your sons so they can become men!

For her son…the role of the mother should be to nurture him, provide for his care, love him unconditionally and then release him into the world so he can begin his rite of passage. God has placed it deep within the DNA of men to want to lead, to protect, to have a life mission, to fix things, to be courageous and to provide for their families. These characteristics of a man seldom realizes their potential under the continued control and oversight of a doting mother. Yeah, I know this is a tough word, but please pause and listen…for the sake of your sons.

There comes a point in the maturation process of your son where it’s critically important for you to find a way to break away and let him know he doesn’t need you anymore. I’m not a mom, but I know this is not an easy thing for mothers to do, because their whole lives are spent wanting to believe their kids need them — but that’s the worst thing you can do for a son. A man who feels that his mother needs him (and he needs her) is a man who will have find it almost impossible to enjoy an intimate and loving marriage relationship with his future wife.

To all the mothers out there, you have one of the most difficult jobs on the planet and I know the love you have for your sons runs deep. It’s life changing for a boy to have the love of his mother and for those moms who love their sons…they are blessed. I had a loving mother and God used her to shape me into who I am today with her love and guidance. But the fact remains that your sons have responsibilities that God has given them and they must one day stand up to them on their own. Your sons must be able to make decisions for themselves, learn from their mistakes, and at times face the tough realities of life so they can become the men that God has called them to be. They must be able to stand independent from their mother (and father). On their journey into manhood, their mother cannot continue to shelter them, control them or fix their problems. The process of becoming a man begins early and by the time a boy steps into his teenage years his mother needs to be in the practice of finding ways of releasing him to God.

I really hope that all you moms out there don’t want to throat punch me right now and I hope that somehow you can receive this tough message because it’s a tough thing to ask any mom. I encourage all the moms out there to find a way to balance their love and control of their son’s life and work towards setting them free to become the men God intended them to be. The men your sons will become someday will be so worth your sacrifice.