Father’s Day is upon us men, once again, but I want to challenge you with a question. Is this day about us or our kids and family? Hold that thought for a bit.

As we unpack this, let’s start with this from Patrick Morley of Man in the Mirror:

The late Tom Skinner, a sought after speaker, once said that he received a call one day from a friend who wanted him to speak at an event one week away. Usually such events get scheduled months in advance.

Tom looked at his calendar and said, “I’m sorry, I have an appointment with my daughter on that day.”

“Oh,” his friend came back, “Then you could be available on that day. We really need you, Tom. We’re depending on you. Will you do it?”

“I don’t think you understand,” Tom replied. “I have an appointment with my daughter that day and I can’t break it.”

After two or three more attempts from different angles his friend gave up. What was particularly interesting is that they wanted Tom because the speaker they really wanted had to cancel at the last minute. So, his friend was all too prepared to sacrifice Tom’s relationship with his daughter on the altar of his urgent need.

Have you seen the movie Elf? Remember the scene when Walter, Buddy and Michael’s dad had to give a major presentation to the executives of his company?

Mr Greenway, the “big boss” comes in and frames up the meeting like this, “As you know, we need a big launch, fast. To get this company back on track. So, I think I speak for my fellow board members when I say…This better be good!”

As Walter begins his presentation to the “big boss”, in comes his son in a panic and shares that Buddy has left. Here is how the scene went. This was his moment to chose to be a dad or a corporate man. Lets see how it turns out.

WALTER: Okay, listen. Let me finish this meeting and we’ll figure this out. Okay?
MICHAEL: Finish your meeting?! How’d I know you were going to say that?
WALTER: Michael! Wait! (Michael stops in his tracks, giving his dad a chance. Hopeful.)
WALTER: Mr. Greenway, we have to reschedule this.
GREENWAY: We don’t have time to reschedule! I want to hear the damn thing NOW! Son, this has to wait.
WALTER: No it doesn’t. We’ll do this some other time, Mr. Greenway.
GREENWAY: This isn’t happening. You’re going to sit in that chair and pitch me a hit friggin’ book! NOW!
WALTER: Mr. Greenway, with all due respect, KISS MY @#@!

This is not the only movie where this scene pops up. Have you ever scene Family Man with Nicolas Cage? I share this because unfortunately this narrative has a sad story and dads all over the world are putting their careers in front of their family. I did this for years until a divorce woke me up out of my stupor.

An HBR blog post, ‘Why Men Work So Many Hours ‘ concludes, It’s not productivity. It’s not innovation. It’s identity. If you’ve lived a life where holidays are a nuisance, where you’ve missed your favorite uncle’s funeral and your children’s childhoods, in a culture that conflates manly heroism with long hours, it’s going to take more than a few regressions to convince you it wasn’t really necessary, after all, for your work to devour you.

Dad’s, as you celebrate Father’s Day, pause and take an inventory of your life. Are you fully present for your family/kids, or are you too wrapped up in your career, hobby, friends, fill in the blank_____? Are you actively living out a Godly example for them…and would God agree?

Our actions and our words have an incredible impact on our kids! Are you your son’s first hero? Are you your daughter’s first love? Are you being a student of your wife?

The world shouts at us men through a megaphone that we find our identity in our careers and our stuff. This is a lie! Men, we need a new identity…it’s called being a dad. Lets step it up and be Dad’s!

Further reading: ‘My Dad’, ‘Integrity’, ‘Daddy, Carry Me’