I believe one of the most valuable tools a man can possess in walking out this adventure called life is a mentor.

Have you sought out a mentor to help you navigate your personal and professional spheres? Maybe you found your mentor at church, in a professional setting, during your first job search or perhaps it was when you transitioned careers. Either way — your mentor was that valuable compass that most likely provided much needed guidance helping you overcome challenges and life’s obstacles. And if you’re fortunate to link up with a solid mentor, they inspired you along the way.

I’ve been blessed to have had a handful of mentors that took the time to walk with me on my journey. Not seeing the value of a mentor early on in life, I wish I better understood that having someone older and wiser than me speaking into my life would have saved me from many pitfalls. Definitely would have helped me navigate the road of life better too.

I can count my life mentors on one hand and my most recent mentor helped me through some of the toughest trials of my life. He helped me walk out of some really tough circumstances, he helped me get my book out there and is always available to walk with me as a life coach if needed. Entering into a place of accountability with someone who you trust, who can share life experiences with and provide the much needed wisdom to navigate it — is invaluable.

Pause for a moment and consider your own need for a mentor at this place in your life. Many people I talk to, convince themselves that they can navigate life in their own strength and it’s sad to watch them stumble and fall. I’m not saying that a mentor will prevent all stumbling in your life, but they will definitely help you avoid some landmines along the way if you listen to them. I recommend mentors for men and women, but I’m speaking to the guys here because many boys have had fathers who were not involved or just absent. A boy without a compass is like an explorer without a map!

Consider the following story.

When elephants overcrowded South Africa’s Kruger National Park, the government authorized the killing of adult elephants and relocating their children to other parks. As the orphaned male elephants reached the age of their teenager years, they had no point of reference about what “normal” behavior looked like. Entering this phase of life their testosterone levels spiked and these misguided males became extremely aggressive. In one park alone they savagely killed rhinos for no apparent reason.

A park ranger watched as one elephant knocked over a rhino, trampled it, then drove a tusk through its chest. The situation quickly became out of control! Scrambling to figure out a solution to this issue, the rangers decided to see what would happen if they introduced adult bull elephants into one of the parks. In a short period of time something amazing happened; the influence of the bull elephants started to kick in and they began to mentor the younger bulls in what normal behavior looked like. Since the introduction of the bull elephants no more rhinos have been killed.

Yeah I know elephants play the lead role in this example, but you don’t have to look too far to make the connection of what happens when boys/men don’t get mentored in this growing fatherless generation. The “new normal” seems to be boys-becoming-men is a process that is completely void of any guidance from a father or father figure and it’s out of control. A significant number of fatherless children, especially boys, look to gangs or follow other peer cultures that contradict traditional family values. Unfortunately, the violence among this demographic is off the charts.

Without the presence of a mentor, young men will instinctively search for guidance from someone who represents a perceived “strong leadership” role. The sad narrative here is that too frequently, these young men will find the guidance they desperately need in street gangs. The violent culture of gangs builds its membership by feeding off of young fatherless victims. Without the guiding compass of a father or father figure a young man can’t become what they can’t see modeled out.

Too many young men today are growing up trying to figure out how to become an authentic (and Godly) man and failing miserably. Who will take responsibility for these men, to mentor them in the ways of manhood? Moms play a big part, but moms can only go so far with this. It takes a man to teach a man how to become a man. The way that we respond to our woodshed moments in life will not only define our leadership, but in many ways it will define the culture, and effectiveness, of our family and others that we lead.

Throughout the course of my leadership journey, I have learned that one of the most important gifts that I have been given is a tight tribe of trusted people who will push me when I need to be pushed…even when I don’t like it. This means when I say something stupid, do something unwise, avoid making decisions, or in a funk, they gracefully press me on it.

Here are some nuggets I’ve picked up from mentors who’ve come alongside me through the years:

• The truth about who God is, to fear Him and know His character.
• The best measure of what a man can do is what a man has done (legacy).
• Making bad decisions helps you learn to make good decisions.
• How to handle adversity and suffering.
• Once the facts are clear, usually the right decision jumps out at you.
• Communication is not what is said but what is heard.
• The danger of pride, arrogance, a self-focused heart, and the importance of maintaining a teachable heart.
• Every man needs margin in his calendar for the unexpected at work and at home.
• No amount of success at work will compensate for failure at home.
• Life skills — such as dealing with debt, schedule, priorities, ethics at work, and other issues.
• Lifelong male friendships are challenging, but every man needs a friend who can speak truth into his life.
• A man needs to be accountable to another man (iron sharpens iron).
• Men need to have a clearly defined purpose.
• Praying with his wife is the most powerful thing a husband can do every day.
• How to spiritually lead your family.
• Every man is leaving a legacy, so why not be intentional about the legacy you leave.
• A life lived without God, the Scriptures, and complete daily surrender to Jesus Christ is a wasted life.

Today’s culture is giving us a false picture of what authentic manhood looks like, so here’s the deal men. There are all kinds of younger guys journeying on this trail of life trying to figure out what it takes to be a man. Unfortunately they’re tuning into social media, TV, movies and going on the internet to find out what that looks like to be a man…some of the worst places to learn this.

What these younger men need is an older man who’s got skin in the game, who is speaking the truth, living the truth, sharing life from his failures, his successes, and being authentic and honest with him and just growing with him through life.

Oh and remember you to have a heart for people because mentoring requires relationship. Anyone can teach principles, but only a mentor is willing to make an investment in peoples’ lives.

Are you ready to change someone’s life?