For most, our lives look great on the outside but are a complete mess on the inside. As we walk life out, we become really really good at hiding the mess of who we really are. You know, that big house, fancy car, designer clothes, that vacation house, fill in the blank ______. Not saying that all stuff is necessarily bad, but in the process of hiding behind all this stuff we not only become slaves to it — we get buried by it.

Most of us have a messy life whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. The good news…you’re in good company, just throw a dart anywhere in the Bible and you will find someone with a messy life.

My dart landed in the story of Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax-collector and was only mentioned in the Gospel of Luke (Luke 19:1-9). Most of us remember the story of him climbing a Sycamore tree to get a glimpse of Jesus, but not so much as an example of a messy life.

So, why is Zacchaeus a great reminder of our messy lives? Let’s take a deeper dive and explore this a bit more.

It would be easy to conclude that Zacchaeus was successful and doing really well for himself because we read in Luke 19:1 that he was wealthy. Looking deeper beneath the surface of all his success things didn’t appear to be what they seemed. You see, most of us don’t carry our wounds on the outside — most of us carry our wounds on the inside! …Success and stuff are great ways to hide these wounds.

Tax collectors in those times were considered to be corrupt and were despised by everyone in the community (they’re not well liked today either). The Jewish people of that time were living under the oppression of the Roman Empire, but Zacchaeus figured out how to leverage that to his advantage — he became a tax collector. The rub…once he got over the fact that he was betraying his own people and taking advantage of them becoming wealthy was a means to an end.

He had success and I’m sure he had “the stuff”, but deep down inside he knew he was carrying a betrayal of his own people through exploitation. As the betrayal grew, he had to offset the guilt with more success and wealth. As the success and wealth grew, the wounds on the inside got deeper and became his self fulfilling prophecy. He must have been a very lonely guy, because the only people others didn’t want to be around besides tax collectors were lepers.

Ever known anyone like that? A person who didn’t care who they had to step on, crush or destroy to become successful? If you were in the way of their goals and dreams, they would run you right over.

Sad to say, that was me at one time and I share this in my book Heartstone.

Looking for my value, my self-worth, and my identity with position and success, I would always choose a safe retreat into my hiding place of counterfeit affirmation—selling my soul to my work. Receiving the glory of man through the recognition of another successful project; earning more money; advancing to that next, higher title on the corporate ladder, I continued to retreat from the pain and insecurities of my fractured life, protecting my empire as I chased my American dream with a blind devotion…

I had lived behind a mask watching people labor through life’s difficult circumstances with an empty compassion; never offering much grace. With a distorted myopic view of my present reality, I chose to see people going through the motions of life expecting sympathy without any hope of a new tomorrow. I had convinced myself that they followed some scripted destiny with hopeless desperation. My perspective was so distorted.

With self-righteous arrogance, I would judge people because of the reckless choices they made, always offering condemnation instead of my love. Over time, my inside reality became rooted with a deep contempt fueled at the expense of others. No one could have ever convinced me that my problems resulted from reckless choices I had made, as I silenced any criticism from others. I was about to look into the mirror and confront the real me.

In Hebrew, the meaning of the name Zacchaeus is “clean” or “pure” and this man became corrupt along the way. We all start off “clean” and “pure” and somewhere along the road of life something happens to us and we choose a different path. You know, it’s easier when you can see the wounds on the outside; from betrayal, pain, failure, disappointment. We often recognize people that have been beat up by life and you can clearly see that they can barely hold on for another day. But, what about those of us who hide the wounds of our messy lives on the inside?

I had many wounds, visible and non-visible, but the wounds that I became a master of hiding were those that came out of my success. Never looking beneath the surface, I allowed significant damage to take place on the inside that no one could see.

My sad reality — by everyone else’s measure I had it all together. Through the lens of the world, I had it all. I had the career, wealth, stuff, power, influence, etc. Everyone envied my life, but I was completely empty inside because of what it cost me to get what I got. I had everything the world had to offer, but I lost myself in the process. I had incredible hopes and everything fell apart.

Success buried me alive!

In Luke 19 verse 5, we read that when Jesus reached the spot, he looked up (Zacchaeus was in a tree) and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”

What’s really awesome about this scene is that Zacchaeus did not set the appointment, Jesus did! Just like He did with the woman at the well. Just like He will with you.

The reality is that we all desperately journey through life searching for our heart’s true desire and never finding it. We don’t understand that we are trying to fill a void in our lives that can only be filled by God. Jesus cuts to the core of our pain because no matter how many relationships we have or how much money we have or how many possessions we have or whatever the case may be — if we don’t have Christ, we will always pursue stuff that doesn’t fill the void. Nothing this world has to offer will fill the void and what happens we let the world and culture define life for us and we make a mess of ourselves in the process.

Jesus said, “…I must stay at your house today.” Isn’t it awesome that God that pursues us?

Here is the good news. No matter what you’ve done, no matter where you’ve been. No matter how much damage you’ve done to yourself or to others. No matter how dark a road you’ve chosen or destructive a path you’ve been on…God can heal us from the inside out. When you have an encounter with Jesus, you don’t have to hide what you are anymore! You don’t have to act like you have it all together anymore! Invite Him into your woundedness! Invite him into the messiness of your life!

Let God know that you are done pretending that you’re ok. Tell Him that you want Him to heal the wounds that no one can see!

It almost seems paradoxical that one can be so successful and at the same time, so empty inside.

I am not saying that success in and of it self is bad. I am saying that I spent so much time and energy pursuing success trying to become something that others would love and value. In the end of this pursuit to be validated, I completely lost myself and became a mess on the inside. Some advice that I learned the hard way…be careful what you’re building because as Kris Vallotton shares, “You are not defined by what you build, you are revealed by it.” You can only hide behind your success and your stuff for so long.

Can you relate?

Is success burying you?